(the wording of this blog post’s title is borrowed from my internet-turned-real-life friend and a constant source of inspiration, the lovely Lindsey Roman <3)
I have been putting off writing blog posts for literally YEARS. For so many reasons.
My brain tells me…
“there’s already way too many people blogging!”
“no one cares what you have to say.”
“you’re not a good writer.”
“your website looks like a dumpster fire and you’re trash at photography.”
“you’ll never, ever be successful.”
It all basically boils down to – “if you try, you will fail, and everyone’s suspicions that you are stupid and annoying will be confirmed.”
WELL GUESS WHAT BRAIN – YOU CAN EFF RIGHT OFF AND GTFO!
Ok no, I need my brain. We’ve been through too much together to say goodbye now! But I’m SO ready to say goodbye to the negative, false, evil thoughts that it loves to pump out at me!
So this is how I’m starting. I don’t know what I’m doing, or where this is going, but I’ve been putting notes in my phone for literally years with random blog post topics and thoughts I want to share with the world. I cry to God and ask for direction, but then I drag my feet and let fear hold me back on the things He has very clearly placed on my heart. I want so badly to reach girls, to show them how much FUN life can be and that they are so VALUED and WORTHY, how they can care for the amazing body God created for them, and that peace and love and healing are real in this world. I want to curate beautiful things, to share what I’m excited about, to make the internet a bit brighter and lighter and more lovely. I want to teach people all the things I’ve learned about health and wellness through my seven years of nursing experience and my own health journeys and learning more and more about wholistic health.
I have stuff to say, guys! And I’ve been letting fear hold me back. Fear of judgement, of looking stupid, of sounding incompetent, of being insignificant and not mattering. And to be honest… I’m still 100% terrified of ALL of those things. I am writing this whole blog without even knowing if I’ll actually post it or not. But I have so many passions bubbling up inside me, and I honestly get fired UP when I think about what the future could look like.
Because when I dream, I see myself able to stay home with my babies and pour into their little hearts every day. I see myself able to spend time curating things I love and share them with girls like me. I see myself confident and unafraid, because I know my worth and identity comes from what Jesus says about me, and not how my last blog post performed or what people think about me. I see myself making truckloads of cash from sponsored posts and brand collabs… (I know that’s a reach but I mean, that would be pretty bomb!) and being able to use any abundance God brings to our family to bless other people, host my friends, and give back in so many ways.
I don’t think I am unique (which pains me to admit as an enneagram four). I don’t think I am crazy smart, or have amazing style or photography skills, or am an expert at anything in life. But there’s a lot I’ve learned in my 29 years of life, and I’m sure I’m going to learn a lot more in the days to come. I like silly, pretty, fun internet stuff, and I also like deep, meaningful, and knowledge based internet stuff. And I’m going to try to share what I’m learning about all of it, here with you, whoever you are. <3
ps – I wrote this literally WEEKS ago and have been too scared to post it, until literally right now, because my husband is forcing me. so yeah, I’m definitely still learning this whole principal and probably be for a long time. 😉
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